I've decided to end my blogging hiatus with a little Johnson Family Storytime. So sit back, relax and just for a moment enjoy a little glimpse into our summer and our totally normal life...
Once upon a time I made my family eat rice and beans for three days straight and the universe exploded.
The end.
(That's how I like to tell the story when my friends ask.)
But maybe I should elaborate...
Once upon a time, two of my dear friends recommended that I read the book "7: an Experimental Mutiny Against Excess." by Jen Hatmaker. And my life changed. For. Ev. Verrrr. Now I buy organic, local, fair trade everything and I never microwave anything in plastic and I drive my husband crazy with updates from International Justice Mission. To put it in layman's terms, the scales fell from my eyes and I realized how materialistic and spoiled I am living in white, middle-class America.
So, one Sunday my children were complaining about the restaurant choice that Luke and I made after church. And the whining caused me to slightly lose it. I think I said, out loud, "That's it, Y'KNOW WHAT?!? 90% of the children in the world WON'T EAT AT ALL TODAY!!! You want THAT option instead" (yeah, that percentage is not true, but I was proving a point. This was no time for "accuracy" and "true facts"- please...) Anyway I said something that I thought, at the time, was just part of a dramatic rant. I declared that "starting tomorrow, we will be eating rice and beans. For THREE DAYS! That's it. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Rice and beans. The end."
And then Luke says, "Good idea!"
And I was like, um.....what?
And then he said I was absolutely right!
um.....I'm sorry, what?
Luke then decided that we should learn what it's like to eat like the rest of the world. And "if we actually ate like most of the planet, we'd really only eat once a day, not three times."
This is what is feels like to be right! It's oddly unsettling...
So after much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth from the back seat people, I went to the store and bought like 70 jillion cans of black beans. And 20 pounds of rice. Because what the what is going on.
After thinking about it some more that evening, I was quite proud of us. Bring it, tough lessons!!! We got this! This is gonna be great! Our kids are never gonna complain about anything ever again!! We're going to be famous for being the best parents God ever made!!! WOOT! I even made some batches of rice & beans ahead of time so that my usual "I hate everything" attitude in the morning didn't sabotage the greatness.
Monday morning... I like to refer to this part as the "poker face phase." The littles were all prepared in their spirits before coming down the stairs for their first R&B breakfast. (Ha! R&B...) and they were like, "Oh, this is so yummy, Mom! I love doing this, I think we should do this for FIVE days, not three!!"
Nice try, people.
Monday Lunch...same thing
Monday Dinner....same song, less convincing verse...
Honestly, I love rice & beans. I was kind of enjoying the fact that I didn't have to think about meal planning or extensive cooking! Throw the rice in the rice cooker, throw the beans in the microwave.
BOOM. Done.
Then there was Tuesday...
The children came down the stairs, saw their R&B breakfast...
And they lost it.
"NOOOOOOO, Mom! We get it, we won't complain anymore, just PLEEEEEASE!!!"
Honestly, it was hilarious. I kind of wish I had videotaped it.
Omiword I'm a terrible mother.
Fast-forward... after refusing to eat breakfast, 10:30am came around and they were hungry.
All I said was, "There's rice and beans in the fridge!" and went back to whatever I was doing.
Thus began Freakout #2. #2 of, like, 147 that day.
So, yyyyyeah, Tuesday sucked.
BUT, despite what their grandmother predicted, they did not die and they were learning a very important lesson.
Wednesday, I woke up early and sautéed last night's rice & beans in garlic and olive oil for breakfast. And you'd think it was Christmas morning, people. The kids raced down the stairs exclaiming "that smells so good!! Oh, thank you, Mommy!!!"
Wow. What a difference three days made!!! We did it!!
And then they never complained about food ever again, the end.
Kidding! Please, people, we weren't eating rice and MAGIC beans!! We still have our moments like any other family. We still have an occasional eye that rolls when leftover night is upon us. But now we have a personal family story that we can always go back to that reminds us of the time when Mom & Dad went psycho and we learned a valuable lesson of thankfulness and counting our blessings.
I also learned a lesson, too... I was able to hold my ground when it was important. I also re-learned that man, oh man, did I marry a stubborn dude. (Which came in handy this particular week!)
So, if you're ever sharing a meal with Team Johnson and one of us complains about the food, you hereby have my permission to reply with this little magic phrase:
"Hey! There's always rice and beans!!"
